Thursday, August 14, 2008

Public Service Announcement

Have you seen this new promotion by America's largest addiction mongers?

They cause more addiction that all of the tobacco companies combined; more than all of the pushers on all of the street corners in all of the world.

Thet are the purveyors enslaving America's population without regard to race, religion or financial standing...

It's Starbucks.

Now, when you buy your morning hit, they give you a receipt that allows you an additional fix anytime after 2pm.

It's bad enough that I can no longer drink just any cup of joe in the I find myself watching the clock counting down the minutes until I can run down and get my caramel frappuccino (no whip, of course).
Please Rep. Waxman! Turn your attention away from baseball and the high price of oil and start investigating this blatant attempt to further enslave America to the dangerous drug that is Starbucks. 'Cuz I, and 3/4 of the rest of the world, NEED HELP!

There must be some budget pork available for Starbux detox centers. There must be Federal grants out there for caffeine replacement therapy. There must be room in DARE and MAD and all of those acronym intensive programs to start educating adults on the dangers of the grande caramel macciato. I'm counting on you!

Until then, gimme that receipt you cute 20 year old barista; I'll see you at 2!

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